
I was having a chat with a CEO of a company last week and the topic of resilience surfaced. He declared that resilience is a feminine word. Men have stamina.
I thought I had been transported back to 1960, but he was convinced that, like the words “sensitive” and “emotional,” resilience was part of that family. Instead of a key strength, it was viewed as a bounce back from a mistake or something that defines the after effect. Stamina, instead, implied plowing through any obstacle.
It was a most interesting conversation and spurred my thinking about what resilience really is for we humans. According to the American Psychological Association, “resilience is the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially though mental, emotional and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.” Key concepts in this for me are flexibility and acknowledging internal demands.
We are complex in our nature, each with a different set of experiences that helped shape us. So many of us discount and/or are unaware of the internal feelings and thoughts that race through our days. Listening to our bodies, knowing when to refuel, take a backseat to “plowing through.” Resilience is awareness, active listening, knowing what’s going on inside and utilizing our strengths to not only cope, but resurface after a setback. It’s the buoyant floatie that keeps our head above water when we dive in or fall out of kayak (I have done that LOL). We just have to remember to fill it with air once in a while.
Here are a few thoughts on some resilience boosts:
1) Stay flexible. As one gets older, for example, body flexibility can be more of a challenge. However, like emotional and psychological flex, with practice, exercise and other stretching tools, flexibility is within reach.
2) Learn from our Experiences - the good, the bad and the “how the heck did that happen?” We aren’t what happens to us. Get to know your core and stick with it.
3) Fuel Problem-Solving Skills – Shift your mindset to brainstorm solutions. “Woe is me” is not a problem-solving skill. How can I approach this in a new way is.
4) Set Manageable Goals – If you’re like me, I set the bar high. When I reach it, I move the bar up higher. When we fall off the bar, our options are to lick our wounds, get back on or take a moment to see how we can approach it differently. The latter is resilience.
5) Practice Self-Care – I tend to think not many of us are good at this. Look around and find a friend, family member who gets this and learn from their journey. If you can’t find one, then maybe get a buddy system going to help support one another in this critical arena. What does self-care look like to you?
6) Nurture Strong Relationships – Stay connected, determine who you can share yourself, your thoughts with safely. When the “you know what” hits the fan, this is your support system during tough times.
7) Stay Positive – Not like Mary Poppins positive, but really find ways to self-talk with encouragement, compassion and understanding. Be realistic, acknowledge your feelings (I give myself about 30 minutes to just feel crappy when I need to). What did you learn from the mess and how can you get upright and move forward? If you need a brace or a buddy, it’s ok. You’re ok.
8) Try some Mindfulness Techniques…it’s not woo woo. Mindfulness is a practice of being present to the moment for no outcome and without judgement. I reiterate it is a practice, not a perfect. Mindfulness can help lower anxiety, stress and help us respond to situation and people, not react. It saves time, relationships and energy.
And, the no judgement part works for you and for others.
I’m going to practice today…being resilient through all the day brings. Good luck with yours.
Comments